Week 39: And the Winners are....

THE OFFICE FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE

CHAMPIONS

2008

Big Mac's Mingmongs

Neil McConaghy

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THE OFFL CUP FINAL

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TriumphAnt 17 v 13 Livercoolio

[Ant Reeves] [Russ Bielby]

Well there we have it. It's all over. We can't be bothered with an end of season montage of all the best bits of the season. We're too exhausted. It's been a long one.

One that has finished with all Managers offering their congratulations to Neil McConaghy whose Big Mac's Mingmongs nearly passed the 500 point mark in their league victory. They win the Championship by a clear 17 points from Livercoolio who also just miss out on Cup glory to TriumphAnt.

TriumphAnt are indeed triumphant [pictured right]. And have therefore won the Shoot Annual. Congratulations Mr Reeves. Four points in it. That'll be those last minute transfers then.

And commiserations to Russ Bielby. Poor, poor Russ Bielby. So close. But twice a loser.

At the bottom, Rudolf Huckers managed to finally escape the wooden spoon by the bark of their teeth, scoring a Manager of the Week certificate winning 25 points, and lifting themselves off the bottom of the table for the first time all season.

So let's have a look at how our managers fared in the Manager of the Week certificate winning league... an entry into the Inter Toto Cup beckons.

MotW Table
We have a clear winner, the Pride of Wales, ...

1 Martyn Field (5)

2 Neil McConaghy (3)

2 Steve Tierney (3)

4 Alfred Bradley (2)

4 Francis Fox (2)

4 Mark and Maddy Weavers (2)

4 Matt Waldron (2)

4 Minty Colquhoun (2)

4 Rob Ivison (2)

4 Russ Bielby (2)

4 Sarah-Jane John (2)

12 Alan Betteridge (1)

12 Ant Reeves (1)

12 Edgar Rayner (1)

12 Gavin Ward (1)

12 Guy Harewood (1)

12 Hilary Straw (1)

12 Kate Wilson (1)

12 Mark Faulkner (1)

12 Mike Smears (1)

12 Oscar Bradley (1)

12 Paddy Mirams (1)

12 Smasher (1)

Other Useless StatsPick of the Season, based on Pts/£, is an Everton player this year. And a defender to boot. Step forward Mr J Lescott.

254 CB J Lescott EVE £4.0 62

397 MF C Ronaldo MU £7.3 107

308 MF A Young AV £4.1 56

299 MF C Fabregas ARS £4.5 55

457 ST E Adebayor ARS £6.6 80

312 MF G Barry AV £4.0 46

474 ST R Santa Cruz BLA £6.3 70

146 FB G Clichy ARS £4.5 49

267 CB W Brown MU £4.7 51

498 ST F Torres LIV £7.4 80

So congratulations if you picked any of these little blighters. Really though, it's about the points. As many as possible. So here are the top OFFL scorers in the Premiership League.

Top Scorers

397 MF C Ronaldo MU £7.3 107

457 ST E Adebayor ARS £6.6 80

498 ST F Torres LIV £7.4 80

474 ST R Santa Cruz BLA £6.3 70

535 ST D Berbatov TOT £7.7 65

254 CB J Lescott EVE £4.0 62

510 ST W Rooney MU £8.7 62

537 ST R Keane TOT £6.8 57

308 MF A Young AV £4.1 56

299 MF C Fabregas ARS £4.5 55

Strikers

457 ST E Adebayor ARS £6.6 80

498 ST F Torres LIV £7.4 80

474 ST R Santa Cruz BLA £6.3 70

535 ST D Berbatov TOT £7.7 65

510 ST W Rooney MU £8.7 62

537 ST R Keane TOT £6.8 57

485 ST C Tevez WH £7.2 54

509 ST Yakubu MID £6.9 53

463 ST G Agbonlahor AV £6.1 51

528 ST Benjani POR £5.7 48

Midfielders

397 MF C Ronaldo MU £7.3 107

308 MF A Young AV £4.1 56

299 MF C Fabregas ARS £4.5 55

369 MF S Gerrard LIV £5.2 54

342 MF F Lampard CHE £6.7 50

312 MF G Barry AV £4.0 46

384 MF Elano MC £3.8 40

380 MF M Petrov MC £3.5 37

388 MF S Downing MID £3.9 36

324 MF D Bentley BLA £4.3 36

362 MF S Davies FUL £3.6 31

Centre Backs

254 CB J Lescott EVE £4.0 62

270 CB R Ferdinand MU £5.0 54

269 CB N Vidic MU £5.1 53

267 CB W Brown MU £4.7 51

556 CB Alex CHE £5.1 44

259 CB J Carragher LIV £5.1 43

253 CB P Jagielka EVE £4.0 39

228 CB W Gallas ARS £4.6 38

243 CB J Terry CHE £5.7 37

244 CB R Carvalho CHE £5.4 35

Full Backs

146 FB G Clichy ARS £4.5 49

561 FB J Belletti CHE £5.0 49

193 FB P Evra MU £4.9 48

164 FB G Johnson CHE £4.8 42

163 FB A Cole CHE £5.1 39

148 FB B Sagna ARS £4.3 38

209 FB H Hreidarsson POR £3.7 32

179 FB A Arbeloa LIV £4.7 31

196 FB Geremi NEW £3.8 29

180 FB S Finnan LIV £5.2 29

Goalkeepers

122 GK J Reina LIV £4.6 48

118 GK T Howard EVE £3.8 38

129 GK E van der Sar MU £4.5 38

114 GK P Cech CHE £5.0 38

136 GK D James POR £3.7 32

102 GK M Almunia ARS £4.1 29

128 GK T Kuszczak MU £4.2 15

113 GK C Cudicini CHE £4.4 15

137 GK C Kirkland WIG £3.3 13

121 GK S Carson LIV £4.4 13

Week 38: The Penultimate Week

As his correspondence will confirm, Francis Fox is losing his marbles. He firstly forgets to enter a team. Then he forgets to enter a team before the first round of the OFFL Cup. THEN he starts bemoaning the fact he didn't pick a particular player. And then, of course, he realises that, in fact, he did pick that particular player after all.

It's not the first time his sentience has gone somewhat awry. And neither, we’re sure, will it be the last. There are plenty of seasons left in the old boy after all. But it is this season that has seen Fox's Rudolph Huckers in last place ever since their arrival. And with one more week to go, the Huckers lie a mere 5 points adrift. The big question is 'will they avoid the wooden spoon?'. The small accompanying question is 'can the Studmarks team squeeze anymore mock excitement out of this particular stone of newsworthlessness?'.

If the levels of excitement over the last few weeks are anything to go by, we're certain the answer to both those questions is 'no'.

Meanwhile, up at the top of the league, Livercoolio are trying desperately to lunge for the line. They've knocked another 10 points off Big Mac's lead leaving another 10 points to make up. If the scores are level after the final week then we add up the values of all players past and present to determine the Points Per Pound difference over the whole season. In this case, Livercoolio would nick it [£106.2m < £118m].

Manager of the Week this week is Sarah-Jane John whose Johnny's Heroes reaped a stunningly adequate score of 27 points, securing [surely] mid-table mediocrity for the season.

And right now, this week, the final week, we're playing...

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OFFL Cup

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Final
Week 39

TriumphAnt[Ant Reeves] £54.5m v £54.6m Livercoolio[Russ Bielby]

It is, actually, quite exciting after all.

Week 37:

Spying high we can see that Livercoolio continues to hone in on the Double. Narrowing the gap at the top to just 20 points, with only 2 rounds of league fixtures to go, it still doesn't look that likely. Which is why we're all staring at the OFFL Cup for blessed relief.

OFFL Cup
Final
Week 39

TriumphAnt v Livercoolio
[Ant Reeves] [Russ Bielby]

Manager of the Week is Alan Batteridge for his 8 point juice-squeeze from this week's Premiership fruit. Vonder Bramen benefits.

Highest climber, however, with an ascent of four places is Radnorshire Tigers who now looks out across the fantasy horizon from the lofty heights of twenty-third.

Week 36: OFFL Cup Semi-Final Results

Managers of the Week are Ant Reeves and, yet again, Martyn Field. Both managers' teams score 19 points.

More significantly however...

OFFL Cup
Semi-Finals, Fixtures
Results, Week 36

Waldron's Wanderers 1 v 15 Livercoolio

TriumphAnt 19 v 16 Wonka FC

This sets up an incredibly exciting final between Livercoolio and TriumphAnt. Both managed, respectively, by larger-than-life characters, Russ 'Russell Crowe in Gladiator' Bielby and Ant 'Nothing like Keanu' Reeves.

The final is to be played in Week 39.

Week 35

It's the squeaky part of the season according to Steve 'Great Face for Radio' Bruce.

And for us that means that time is running out for our Manager of the Week, Russ Bielby whose charges, Livercoolio, notched up a massive 29 points plonking them into a very strong second place in the league. This leaves a mere 24 points between themselves and Neil 'Surely He's Got It Sewn Up' McConaghy's Big Macs Mingmongs.

So, we have a new 'Can He Do The Double' man in our midst. Russ Bielby. The season could yet be his.

OFFL Cup
Semi-Finals, fixtures, to be played

Waldron's Wanderers Matt Waldron	v	Livercoolio Russ Bielby
TriumphAnt Ant Reeves	v	Wonka FC Neil Keefe

Yours,

The OFFL 'Exhausted By The Excitement' Headquarters

Week 34: OFFL Semi-Finals

With over a month of fixtures left in the Premiership calendar we can see that a rather wide gap needs to be bridged. Yes, Rudolf Huckers are 27pts behind Book My Face FC and have been bottom of the league ever since joining us very late in the day. In fact, Francis Fox entered his team so late in the day that he didn't even make the OFFL Cup First Round. Which means his only objective for the season has been to not finish bottom. Which is where he's currently on target to finish. Shame. Shame.

Manager of the Week this week is Gavin Ward with his Marauding Metatarsals. His team of mediocre miscreants knocked together a respectable score of 22 points. Meanwhile, Oscar Bradley celebrated his Christening with weekly tally of minus 2. Shame. Shame.

Happy Birthday to Ant Reeves by the way, let's see who he's been drawn against in his OFFL Cup Semi-final...

OFFL Cup
Semi-Finals, fixtures, to be played

Waldron's Wanderers Matt Waldron	v	Livercoolio Russ Bielby
TriumphAnt Ant Reeves	v	Wonka FC Neil Keefe

Week 33: OFFL Cup Quarter-Finals Results

Manager of the Week is Minty 'Always Moaning About Bent Being Bench Bound Every Bloody Blinkin' Week' Colquhoun. I know, it’s a name you couldn't make up. 24 points earns Upmintster United's Manager the certificate [not supplied] at last.

However, it's the Cup we're all talking about. Wondering if the seemingly inevitable has, in fact, been realised...

Sigh.

OFFL Cup

Quarter Finals, Results

Marauding Metatarsals '07	14	v	22	TriumphAnt
Abeerden	11	v	20	Livercoolio
Big Mac's Mingmongs	9	v	15	Wonka FC
Waldron's Wanderers	20	v	9	Olymping Macdrid

Amazing. The League's first and second placings get dumped out of the cup by their nearest rivals. Meanwhile, two Real-Sense boys make it through to the next round - a fine show from arguably the best Warehouse in Derby brand of football in the world.

Congratulations to Ant Reeves, Russ Bielby, Neil Keefe and Matt Waldron who make it through to the Semi-Finals of the Cup. They can just about smell the lacquered hard back of that Shoot Annual.