Week 21: OFFL Cup Knockout Stage Complete

As the credits roll on yet another annual broadcast of Muppets in Space, Our Chairman sinks happily back into his love seat, legs asplay over each arm, pop corn falling from his slobbering mouth. And while he daydreams of Miss Piggy in that outfit she wore in the scene where she falls down the stairs in the Muppet house [about a third of the way through] he starts to slip into a fantasy filled doze.

He is only woken by a brave little umpa lumpa telling him to attend to the end of the group stages of the OFFL Cup. And while Gonzo, unlike E.T., decides against leaving his Muppet friends on Earth for a life with his own kind, some of you will be forced to face up to being left behind with the other failed muppet managers as the great big flashing happy Space Ship of OFFL Cup Success lifts off without you.

Anyone want to phone home?

[*Andy Straw attempts to hide his throbbing glowing finger behind his back with an embarrassed grin*]

Manager of the Week is Neil McConaghy of Big Mac's Mongmongs with a score of 25.

Week 8: MARATHON'S 100 POINT MARK PASSED BY SPRINTERS

Last season's Week 8 saw Chris Nuttal's Chris Stool Poo Lice leading the title race on a score of just 93. And where did that team end up, I ask you?

['Nowhere' is the ostensible answer]

Meanwhile the eventual champs, Ant Reeves's Anticlimax, lay in Fourteenth with a mere 57 points.

This season, we see that three teams have already puffed themselves out by passing the 100 point mark carrying the very heavy back pack of Vain Belief [that they can win this competition]. It's a heavy load to carry. Particularly when you're trotting a little closer to the pace of a sprint than a marathon.

For it is indeed, a marathon.

Not a sprint.

Manager of the Week is Neil McConaghy of Big Mac's Mingmongs who scored a rather large 24 points. This pushes him ever closer to the top of the pile leaving his team to rest at second place. What a birthday treat for him to savour this coming Monday.

Highest climber this week is David Brentford FC, Mark and Maddy's team leap up seven spots to land at Nineteenth, slightly out of breath and with a lingering dizzying sensation.

Everyone stare at Gavin. Down seven.

Week 3: A Week in Provence

CROCODILE CUDDLING

Provence. So called because it was the First Province of Rome don't you know. Something like that anyway. In fact, the town emblem of Nimes is a crocodile cuddling a palm tree. Why? It was the badge of the third Roman Legion of Egypt, the veteran troops of which retired there.

SHORTER THAN AVERAGE

It's hard to really take in all the history of the surroundings when you're busy creating a complex cascade of croissant crumbs down one's ever-swelling belly. Pausing only to challenge shorter than average folk on their Umpa Lumpa qualities.

POLICE CONFUSED

The local Gendarmes weren't very understanding when the Chairman's explanation was partially described in loud and exasperated Franglais. But reports suggest that they actually thought the Chairman was trying to find out more about Pepin the Short. Father of Charlemagne. 714 - 768?

Anyone?

No?

Preposterous nonsense, surely.

Anyway, this is where you all stand in the gladiatorial arena that is known as the OFFL.

By the way, did you know that Arena comes from the Greek word for sand. Yes, really.

Well, that's what the Nimes Amphitheatre audio guide said.

Managers of the Week

Neil McConaghy and Edgar Rayner for scoring 17 points each for their Big Mac's Mingmongs and Shellbeej respectively.