Week 31: Needles

The Chairman is face down dribbling onto the lino' again. The pins and needles have been replaced with just needles. Dr Yuetmui Chung's needles to be precise. With the recent passing of the 400 point mark by Neil McConaghy's Big Mac's Mingmongs, Our Holistic High Chairman has sort an even higher plane of well-being by trying out Dr Chung's Acupuncture credentials. Obviously this is a celebratory move aimed at commemorating McConaghy's achievement at such an early stage of the season.

Indeed the Champions Elect, as they look over their shoulder to see how well the competition is doing behind them, spy not even a chasing pack - which, as it happens, is sixty odd points behind a hill in the distance. The Mingmongs could even stop for a breather if they wanted, rest for a moment, handvisor their forehead to level their sight onto the horizon to just about make out the lone lanky figure of Steve Tierney, fist raised in the air, aimed and shaking at the runaway leader.

McConaghy could even afford to shrug his broad Welsh shoulders before continuing on trotting his seemingly unchallenged way to the Title.

There's no point carrying on really.

Acupuncture anyone?

Manager of the Week is Edinburgh's Rob Ivison whose Wife#3 netted 29 points and whose Son#1 burst into tears the very moment he caught sight of the Chairman at his front door in Morningside last week. 29 points, eh? That Frank Lampard doing most of the leg work as usual I suppose. Well done Frank. I mean Rob. Are we allowed to talk about the Astronomy business yet without spitting blood? Why not turn your hand to Astrology? Same business really isn’t it?

Cough.

Ooh, everyone... don’t forget, the OFFL Cup... Neil can't have this one in the bag too can he?

OFFL Cup

Quarter-Finals, Fixtures

To be played in Week 33

Marauding Metatarsals '07 Gavin Ward	v	TriumphAnt Ant Reeves
Abeerden Steve Tierney	v	Livercoolio Russ Bielby
Big Mac's Mingmongs Neil McConaghy	v	Wonka FC Neil Keefe
Waldron's Wanderers Matt Waldron	v	Olymping Macdrid Craig McHugh

At least we can rest assured that there will be a Neil in the next round.

Week 11: HAIL THE NEW LEADER

Neil McConaghy finally hops to the top of the pile as Smasher fails to continue to press the pace. Ant Reeves, current champions, is sneaking up on the top two tusslers by jostling himself into third and within striking distance of his throne. Tom Vamos on the other hand also displays his season-upon-season consistency.

Managers of the Week are Mark and Maddy Weavers and Rob Ivison of David Brentford FC and Wife #3 respectively. 22 points apiece. Not bad, not bad.

Everybody stare at Mike Smears of Irishpool. 1 point. Down six places. It's like kicking an old man when he's down, isn’t it?

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And a Happy Birthday to Craig McHugh McScrimgeour. May his attempt to attend a Loopy performance on Wednesday the 7th November end pleasantly. I.e. by him changing his mind at the last minute cos he's noticed there's something more interesting on TV.