Week 24: OFFL Cup Knockout Commences

Manager of the Week, somehow again, is Martyn Field with his Sheep City notching up a massive 4 points, leaving highest climbers Top of the Norm to shin up four places.

Oh yeah, you're playing. You're playing!...

Bangkok Burn FC		v		Jordan United
Decimated Left Peg		v		Inter Milandrover
Alfletico Madrid		v		Marauding Metatarsals '07
Tat Mucker		v		Radnorshire Tigers
FC Pratto		v		Wonka FC
Big Mac's Mingmongs		v		Wife #3
Dube Stars FC		v		Windmill United
Top of the Norm		v		Livercoolio
Lionel FC		v		Muffins Revenge
West Vam		v		Straw Bucharest
RS T-Boy		v		Better Late Than Never!
Abeerden		v		Moanchester Disunited
Irishpool		v		TriumphAnt
David Brentford FC		v		Johnny's Heroes
Waldron's Wanderers		v		Sheep City
Al-Quaida		v		Olymping Macdrid

Week 23: Transfertastic

The gap gets smaller between the top two teams while the chasing pack start to drop off the pace.

Manager of the Week this week is Francis Fox - his team of Rudolf Huckers knock in an impressive 22 points to see themselves remain bottom [for the time being]. Highest Climber however is Mark Norman's Top of the Norm who shoot up four places leaving them still quite a while away from being able to replace the word 'Norm' with 'Table' in their name.

And finally, the African Cup of Nations coupled with the January Transfer Window has seen many of you managers attempt some personnel reshuffling. And so, right now, let me introduce some of your comedy turns...

Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a huge welcome to the stage for... [cut!]

Week 22: OFFL Cup Knockout Fixtures Announced - Nobody Really Cares.

Manager of the Week is Steve Tierney with his Abeerden catching a large 26 point haul for the week.

Meanwhile we welcome a new manager, Francis Fox. His Rudolf Huckers re-enter the league with no hope of winning anything, yet plenty of promise in catching Ashley Keeler's Book My Face FC.

And while people discuss whether or not it's too soon for an inexperienced Shearer to join Keegan in managing Newcastle United, I realise that nobody actually pays any attention to this drivel do they?

I'll get me coat.

Paddy Mirams, falling, falling, falling. Minus 3, down eight.

OFFL Cup
Round Two, Knockout Competition
Fixtures, to be played in Week 25 [28th Jan - 3rd Feb]

Bangkok Burn FC		v		Jordan United
Decimated Left Peg		v		Inter Milandrover
Alfletico Madrid		v		Marauding Metatarsals '07
Tat Mucker		v		Radnorshire Tigers
FC Pratto		v		Wonka FC
Big Mac's Mingmongs		v		Wife #3
Dube Stars FC		v		Windmill United
Top of the Norm		v		Livercoolio
Lionel FC		v		Muffins Revenge
West Vam		v		Straw Bucharest
RS T-Boy		v		Better Late Than Never!
Abeerden		v		Moanchester Disunited
Irishpool		v		TriumphAnt
David Brentford FC		v		Johnny's Heroes
Waldron's Wanderers		v		Sheep City
Al-Quaida		v		Olymping Macdrid

If Then Else
In the event of a draw then the team with the better Points Per Pound ratio goes through. If this fails to produce a winner then we count the number of goals scored by the players. If that fails to divide the opponents then it's the team with the highest league position that goes through.

Week 21: OFFL Cup Knockout Stage Complete

As the credits roll on yet another annual broadcast of Muppets in Space, Our Chairman sinks happily back into his love seat, legs asplay over each arm, pop corn falling from his slobbering mouth. And while he daydreams of Miss Piggy in that outfit she wore in the scene where she falls down the stairs in the Muppet house [about a third of the way through] he starts to slip into a fantasy filled doze.

He is only woken by a brave little umpa lumpa telling him to attend to the end of the group stages of the OFFL Cup. And while Gonzo, unlike E.T., decides against leaving his Muppet friends on Earth for a life with his own kind, some of you will be forced to face up to being left behind with the other failed muppet managers as the great big flashing happy Space Ship of OFFL Cup Success lifts off without you.

Anyone want to phone home?

[*Andy Straw attempts to hide his throbbing glowing finger behind his back with an embarrassed grin*]

Manager of the Week is Neil McConaghy of Big Mac's Mongmongs with a score of 25.

Week 20: Have a Fabio New Year

Happy New Year to all of you managers from all of us here at OFFL HQ.

That'll do.

Martyn Field is the Manager of the Week with a massive, massive, weekly haul of 47 points. This shoves his team, Sheep City, up an incredible thirteen places. 47 points! Foof.

Surely that's enough to put the Sheep through to the knockout stages of the cup? What about the rest of you?

Week 19: Happy Christmas [for some]

As the Chairman flicks another winter-burned bogey into the footwell of his chauffeur-driven Ford Mondeo he contemplates the past year. Unable to remember further than this morning's Breakfast TV phone-in on Pointless Christmas Presents and feeling like he's been playing extra time in a Quidditch tournament actually Sitting On an inserted Nimbus 2000 he gives up and returns to his drug-fuelled hallucination-filled pain relief that comes free with all post-haemorrhoidectomy debrief packs.

Ah yes, Christmas. And Christmas in the OFFL at that. It kind of blasts past you in a spasm of 'Match of the Days' and 'Out Of Office' replies. Only to coagulate in early January with the news that you've been unceremoniously booted out of the OFFL Cup by someone at the bottom of the table. It's enough to cause a sphincter-flinch of yuletide over-panic.

Well, whatever happens to you and your kin during this period of fun-filled festoonery may you all have a simply lovely time.

May 2008 be full of smooth saddles, comfortable cotton underwear and softly-tapered brown baguettes.

Enough of bottoms until the New Year wethinks. Or until the six-week check up review at least.

Managers of the Week this week are coincidental husband and wife Sarah-Jane John and Russ Bielby. In that order. Both hauled in 21 points for their respective clubs.

Week 18

Right, Week 19's results start to count toward the OFFL Cup. Which means they'll start showing in the next edition of Studmarks.

Manager of the Week is Sheep City's very own Martyn Field. 19 points. Giving his team a boost of eight places in the league.

Must go: Week 19's results are already coming in.